Imaginary albums was one of the topics for many years in the blog before the re-start early 2022. It was based on the "Debut album game" that was making its rounds around bulletin boards and blogs over ten years ago. The idea was to create an album cover for a fictional band (anything that came up in the random Wikipage generator) with a fictional title (the last four words of the very last quote of the page generated at the Random quotations site) and a cover image found by searching for a random Flickr Explore photograph. I have been trying to find out who had the original idea, but so far no success.
I made a few changes to this procedure: I opted to take any four words (although preferably the final ones) of a random quotation to give me the album title. Moreover, also because of copyright constraints, I decided to choose suitable images from my own Flickr streams for the cover. Finally, to spice things up a bit, I added a fictional review for these fictional albums.
The Blindness Of Strangers
It is impossible that you have not heard the wild speculations around this new band. Borocera have never given any background information, but persistent rumours are that it is actually a supergroup of some of the best-known rock artists of all time. Just which artists exactly is not clear. Names that are going around include Mark Knopfler, Jimmy Page, Bill Bruford, Tony Levine, John Entwistle, Adam Clayton, Phil Manzanera, Ritchie Blackmore, to name but a few. Even the album cover with its faceless crowd, reflects this uncertainty. And after all, maybe it is just a clever scheme by the record company. Whatever the truth is, The Blindness Of Strangers is a great album, with 12 instrumental tracks in the best classic rock tradition. Essential.
Quote by Adrienne E. Gusoff: I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.
The Vineyards Of Equality
They have a pretentious name, their first album has a pretentious title and their music is pretentious as well.... here is the debut album of Bradford's The Truth. Their music starts where Radiohead at their most complicated moments leaves off, with a strong dose of electronics and complex rhythms, and almost whining singing which has become so en vogue over the past decades. Not a record that will make much impact on the radio waves or in the shops - but they are undoubtedly highly accomplished musicians and deserve more attention than they will get.
Quote by Adam Clayton Powell Jr.: Unless man is committed to the belief that all mankind are his brothers, then he labors in vain and hypocritically in the vineyards of equality.
The Last Two Chapters
The mind boggles, but at 24, Montreal's trip hop queen Hurricane Nicole has decided to withdraw from the scene altogether - after three consecutive million selling albums world wide. She goes out with a bang, not with a whisper, with her latest (and presumably last) album, The Last Two Chapters. A double CD, with the main disc containing all new material - and the irony of it all is that it is probably the best she has released so far. Songs like Flight209, Spring in Winter, and Head over heels are destined to become absolute classics. In her typical independent way, she has forced the record company to include the second CD for free, rather than releasing the combination at a premium price. This bonus contains twelve tracks, combining some of her better B-sides, as well as 4 delightful live versions of her main hits. Please Nicole, change your mind, and make a come back after a time out. We will miss you.
Quote by Nora Ephron: If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters.
Like The Last Eight
Apparently Dajiang are considered to be one of the best rock bands of China of the last ten years, and judging from their ninth album, which was released last week, quite deservedly so. You can't deny that this trio has a good sense of humour as well, given the title of this release. And it must be said, there is not a change of direction whatsoever here, based on snippets of their earlier work on YouTube. Straightforward rock, guitar dominated songs of under 4 minutes, sung in accent-free English. Not very original maybe, but a great listen and definitely preferable to a lot of garbage that scores higher on the charts in the West. Try them.
Quote by Barack Obama: We are here because we love this country too much to let the next four years look like the last eight.
Our Future Is Apathy
Rampside Gas terminal are a new band from the UK who play Post rock in a style that makes Godspeed you! Black emperor sound like shiny happy music. This is fascinatingly bleak music, with an ultimate detachment that is far beyond mere despair. Five songs only (soundscapes is probably a better word for it), and it takes quite some determination to take it all in in one sitting. But once I had gone through it the first time, I found myself hitting the play button again. Such is the ultimate power of Our Future Is Apathy. A modern classic, and one that will be recognized as such in decades to come.
Quote by Jane Goodall : The greatest danger to our future is apathy.
Summon up the blood
You need to be well versed in the relatively new Slovakian rock scene to appreciate why this album is such a hype in Eastern Europe. SRBY is an absolute supergroup drawing upon four of the most successful Slovakian rock bands of the past decade: led by singer Peter Schuster (The Nitra), with Jan Razus (Samo) on guitar, Ivan Bernolak (More Avia) on bass and Josef Ydrisnky (Tuka) on drums. The music is straightforward rock, sixteen new songs, all under 4 minutes each, and as a bonus track their live cover of Still loving you. An essential document of Eastern Europe rock.
Quote by William Shakespeare: In peace there's nothing so becomes a man - As modest stillness and humility - But when the blast of war blows in our ears - Then imitate the action of the tiger - Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood.
The War Against Reality
Psychedelic rock is of course associated with the late sixties rather than our century, but the Swiss formation Virusheat apparently does not care about that. Their fourth album The War Against Reality continues where its predecessor Mushroom Magic left off - compositions that drone on for 6-17 minutes in the style of early Pink Floyd. But - unfortunately - without the brilliance of their famous idols. Virusheat are undoubtedly accomplished musicians, but their musical vision is limited. Not recommended. Unless you are high, perhaps.
Quote by Jules de Gaultier: Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
Nuclear War Is Unsettling
Austrian DJ Otto Kittel is a big hit in Germany right now, with his million selling album Nuclear War Is Unsettling - time for him to try to repeat that success world-wide. And why not? His trance remixes of samples of Kraftwerk and various New Wave acts, looped together in an ingenious fashion, are amongst the best available in that genre. Give him a try.
Quote by Walter Goodman: The idea of all-out nuclear war is unsettling.
The Ice Weasels Come
Highly original and rewarding progressive folk rock from Switzerland. Czernina are Pirmin Zinsli on guitar, Linus Rausis on bass and singer Heidi Zurbriggen on mellotron, with guest musicians including alpine horn virtuoso Klaus Zuelle. Their first album The Ice Weasels Come is based on a number of folk songs from the Bernina mountains, with a progressive rock treatment that may seem dated but is actually very effective. Recommended.
Quote by Matt Groening: Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
Actually I'm a Giraffe
One of the most hilarious CD's of the year. A quintet from Guildford (UK) have taken (in)famous quotes from famous people and turned them into fun pop songs. The title song is courtesy of Richard Gere, other gems include two by George W. Bush (Is our children learning?, We agree - the past is over), two by Dan Quayle (I have made good judgements in the Future, I stand by all the misstatements that I've made), one by Thai Prime Minister Banharn Silpa-archa (Long live Queen Elizabeth Taylor) and a sprinkling of others. The music is always pop-oriented, but still varies with reggae and ska influences on one song, folk on another and even disco on a number of occasions. To my taste better than the famous Weird Al Yankovich.
Quote by Richard Gere: I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe.
There Is Time Enough
Unashamed nostalgia: the Prestons from Milwaukee were a quartet of teenage girls, aged 17-19, who scored a string of minor hits in 1969-1970, and then left the scene altogether to start different careers. Their collective output, including B-sides and demo's, is barely sufficient to fill one retrospective CD, but here it is. Highlights: their top 20 hits There is time enough and Upside down. Far from essential, but a good documentary piece.
Quote by George Bernard Shaw: Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.
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Terror At The Slaughterhouse
Fake... fake... fake... Nothing is original about this debut album. First off, in spite of the hype and the use of Russian letters for its name, Kirov Plant are NOT from Volgograd - but from Manchester. Secondly, their music is not as the press package suggests "a refreshing new look at progressive metal", but a third class watered down version of this style which has been done infinitely better numerous times. Thirdly, the melodies and riffs are hardly disguised straight copies from the likes of Metallica and Dream Theater. Awful, awful, awful.
Quote by Craig Volk: I'd rather get my brains blown out in the wild than wait in terror at the slaughterhouse.
Copyright statement: all imaginary album covers are based on my own photographs. Copyright Hennie Schaper.
